Days of my Life #35

The day was relatively quiet since most of it was spent with my head buried in yet another book. I fear I may have found my addiction…books, currently time traveling romance novels where a sexy, intelligent man is able to de-asshole himself right in the nick of time before the able, bright, not-yo-distressed-damsel either kicks his butt or leaves him. She don’t take shit from no one, she is also my hero(ine ) and one whose skills I aim to perfect.

Now you might ask why a seventy year old woman, whose mind, heart (and body, most days) of someone much younger would consciously flip pages of a (formerly known as dimestore) novel of questionable quality.

My reasons are quite simple. I think the time in which we are living requires us to look differently at our world, and I’m increasingly flummoxed as to which might be the best way, therefore I am crawling inside the pages of books to peek at heroines as they solve the many challenges they face…just in case there are ideas I can use. All this plus the books I’m reading have just the right amount of erotica to keep me from nodding off when the verbiage seems annoyingly tedious or the naivety makes me want to pull the character aside for a little tête-à-tête to put them on the right track.

I may have mentioned in one of my earlier word floods that I don’t particularly care for murder mysteries. Why? Because murder is stupid, heartless and a ridiculous solution to any problem, and it is most often messy, which means I’d not be great at a real crime scene. Look everyone dies, eventually, so why would a person want to carry around the burden of having offed someone? And if they don’t care about the repercussions…that’s just plain stupid and stupid people make mistakes and unless they want to get caught, which I suppose some murderers do, they will. Plus, like any form of violence, killing someone does not solve anything but instead creates bigger hassles like getting the blood out of a perfectly good pair of nikes or that silk ruffled blouse that cost an arm and a leg (hopefully not from one of the victims). Murder mysteries are just plain difficult to clean up. Call me the Marie Kondo of literature, I prefer sensual tales and donate Agatha Christie’s and the like to charity.

What about Historic nonfiction? Though exceedingly informative, it can only hold my attention for perhaps twenty minutes at a time. I long ago realized that history often repeats itself (shudder) but that history is most often written by the conquerors. It’s in the eye of the beholder. One can only wonder what historians will record about this period.

I spent a good many years delving into metaphysics and spirituality. A pile of books are in one corner of my living room beckoning me to dust them off for another perusal…but I’m not “there” yet. Who knows what my future holds…perhaps I’ll discover in one of those books.

Did I mention I’m writing my autoB? I’m doing it because most of my former friends and lovers have either moved onto another plain of existence, they don’t read, or I don’t care what they’d think…all this and my kids have asked I do this. I suppose people may consider some of my antics interesting, besides it’s probably good mental exercise.

With so much time on my hands and no place in particular to go, without a mask and hand sanitizer, reading books aren’t the worst I could when it comes to a serious habit and not one I need ever break.

Tune in.

Days of my Life #16

Breakfast was filling if nothing else; shredded wheat and oat milk with a touch of dark brown sugar and some “why bother” decaf. I have already begun my day by perusing the news and email. Yuck!

Even the travel ads are having the “How can I get excited by armchair excursions?”challenge. Just the other day I received a tantalizing invite to travel to Spain and Portugal with a group of cutting-edge science/history/comparative religion nerds (that may not seem sexy to you- but those peeps and their suggestive haunts really turn me on), only to be cock-blocked by the first page on their website reminding everyone about possibilities of date change/cancellation due to covid. Cold shower time.

Even though I’m guarding myself for another disappointment, I’ve been preparing to rev up for the election with new insoles for my block-canvassing sneakers, extra sunscreen, all-natural insect repellent, “go-blue” hat and my selection of socially responsible tee shirts. I suppose I’ll have to wear something like pants or shorts, that is if we’re not still in lockdown or the slug who would be king declares martial law and usurps our elections. If need be, I can always do bottomless virtual block walking, but that’s TMI!

It’s time like these I wish I’d paid more attention to the crystal ball gazing class I took back in the eighties. Of course if I could’ve foretold the future then I probably would’ve divorced husband #1 sooner, definitely wouldn’t have married husband #2, would’ve moved to the south of France or Barcelona or at the very least, Portland and might’ve taken controlling interest in Amazon to make it a socially responsible company. Oh well, hindsight, but then it is really 2020.

I, like so many others, am finding so much time to reflect, to imagine and then locate the remote or iPad charger. I’ve made a bunch of masks, calls to friends & politicians, signed online petitions and donated to food banks, yet I’m still wondering with all this time on my hands I might do something more worthwhile, like create a “why didn’t someone think of this yet?” cure for cancer or world hunger or homelessness or war or joblessness or global climate change!

I am reminded of the adage “every cloud has a silver lining”. While we don’t have cures for the above specific woes, we have the possibility/opportunity to look at them with new eyes. Years ago, my dear friend and teacher, Aristhaia Cash, goddess rest her soul, said, “Most homes have a front door and a back door and usually a few windows -yet most of us mainly use one door to enter and exit and a favorite window by which to regard our outside world. But what about the other door/s and windows? What view/s are we missing? Do we need a skylight? How is the foundation?” Her wise words have served as a reminder that I’ve gotta look everywhere for answers because the predictable views don’t always have the total picture. Its not even the point of fake news as it is limited news, just who’s paying for it and what is their agenda?

To be a critical thinker one must exercise their skills of investigative discernment. A sort of treasure hunt for real, unabridged truth, which these days is a full time job, given the internet and people who only read headlines then spout off with their minimal information and apparent lack of deep thought.

Am I being hypercritical or just unrealistic in thinking we’ve gotta be better than this? Perhaps, then again I’m reminded at just who is running our state/country/world into the polluted ground.

Oh dear! Now I wanna escape to the land of oohs and aahs where I can be spoon fed deep dark chocolate lava cake with vanilla bean ice cream after having a long and oh so sensuous massage by a geeky, creative, straight hunk who whispers sweet everythings into my ear.

Alas, these sorts of brief fantasies are short lived in these times of virus. I’ve finished the cup of decaf and I’d better go take the dog for a walk.

Tune in.

Here Kitty…

Well, well, guess I’m back to my 5am wake up schedule. What gives, Universe? Aren’t I worthy of a Sunday morning sleep-in? Apparently neither my bladder nor overactive brain think so.Okay, I suppose I’m awake enough to tell you about a white cat and a iridescent dragon who both saved me during last night’s slumber.

It all began (selective memory being what it is) with me…one late afternoon, standing on a precipice, ready to jump on my iridescent dragon, Flutter, to fly home to wherever that was, when I heard ever so faint “mews” from a nearby cluster of rocks. Being the curious sort, I took my feet out of the saddle (it would appear in this dream I had my dragon saddled) and hopped off, tiptoeing toward the sounds. There, behind the rocks, was a large litter of tiny kittens, crawling over one another, mewing continuously. They were old enough to have their eyes open, peering up at me with tiny eyes desperately trying to reach lil ole me. Flutter stood close by both curious about the kittens and impatient about getting home where her children were waiting our return. It was getting dark but Mama cat was nowhere in sight. I scratched my head wondering what to do. I couldn’t leave them alone atop this mountain so finally I chose to delay my departure, bedding down in the crook of my dragon’s left wing for the night. Still, no mom appeared in the morning so I scooped the squirming hungry pack into my bag and up we all flew into the heavens, landing just minutes later at my lair where friends awaited, excited to see what was inside the actively bulging bag .

I placed it on the ground and out scampered twelve kittens ready to escape their confinement and locate food. It was then I got a good look at the myriad colors of these tiny beings – the usual assortment of orange striped, brown striped, gray, black and white, solid black and speckled with the last cat to venture forward of the brightest white fur and the bluest of blue eyes I had ever seen. This one did not join the others but instead crawled up my leg, perched on my shoulder, rubbing its head on my cheek.Let me stop right here and say that, though I have had cats in my life, with one in particular being quite dear to me, I am, most certainly, a dog person, so when I woke from my dream I was quite surprised I had actually dreamt of kittens! But there it was, cats populated my dream, one in particular. Of course in this dream I also had at least one dragon, which so far has not appeared in my current reality, so cats there were…and no dogs. Hmm. where was I?

The other kittens found homes with my friends. We all went about our lives, though sometime sooner or later (probably later as the kitten was now very large (think lion) and named BG. (For Cat-White in Spanish) and we were walking in the woods when BG began to make loud clicking sounds, warning me of danger – One would assume I had learned to communicate with my feline companion prior to this walk and therefore able to determine the message.

Anyway, just beyond, i heard a branch snap and a giant alligator type beast came our way at a very fast clip. Blanco jumped between us and a battle ensued. Fortunately the gator knew he was losing, turned tail and started to split, but not before Flutter had heard the commotion, hoisted me up upon her back, (Blanco scampered up to meet me) all while sending a plume of fire, singing the reptile’s nose. And off we flew back to our lair.

I’m not sure what else happened because it must’ve been nearly 5am because I woke to see my dog, Mocha snoring with her head on the pillow next to mine.

I’m definitely a dog person.

Time traveling…to save OUR people.

What day is it? Ah, Thursday, for me. No, wait, it’s Friday! I am so confused, my only frame of reference seems to be the little red, black and white calendar icon I’ve just seen on my iPad screen. You’re shaking your head remarking, “That’s cause you’re on holiday, silly.”20130830-111953.jpg Not exactly. Well yes, I am on holiday in Greece and I’ve also just awakened from a strange dream where I have time travelled, maybe even alternate universe travelled. In my dream I have gone undercover to help a friend and in the process, risked my own life and put someone else in jeopardy. I have just awoken, mid-dream and unfortunately don’t know if the issue resolved itself and my friends have escaped. I am confused and disturbed, though briefly.

The message I got as I awakened…”which course have you been on?”, makes me nod my head, “AHA”, which makes no sense to anyone but me. Why am I telling you this? I’m not exactly certain but maybe the two of us can figure it out as I write.

“Oh, no, she’s channeling Max!” Maybe, except I’m not getting hot flashes or pressure like I usually do when he is around, so it’s possible it’s just you and me who are going to figure this out. You see, in my dream I have just snuck into some sort of huge, multi-storied, working tower in Northern Ireland ( or someplace where people speak English with an Irish accent, though it could be Scottish/Aussie/Kiwi, whatever) with friends, one of whom is going back there to find out what has happened to her family and how to help them. In this tower, people are working long and stressful shifts – makeshift ropes and pulleys provide movement from floor to floor (strange, eh?) with guards at both entrance and exit gates. Only two are allowed in or out at a time. I’m not sure how we got in so easily, but I got out, they were prevented from leaving, I looked back, once I had cleared the gates to see it happen, I initially thought they were right behind me. I then abruptly awoke, which was disconcerting in and of itself.

My “AHA” message was, at the time – minutes ago here – I am here to work on me and for me. Each of us must learn while on Earth, in our physical bodies, our own lessons, i.e. We can only “save” ourselves, then others. So that’s that, it was a simple dream even though I thought it complex, right? Maybe. Probably not. Because on further reflection I have begun to see the intricacies of what we consider at first to be simple dreams, even life itself. Not everything is what it seems.

In each dream we are afforded opportunities to gain insight into the way we feel and think. Beings, human and otherwise, pop in and out, as actors on a stage, changing character, form and capabilities at whim, giving and taking away powers befitting Gandolf or a Disney fairy godmother. All the while we are navigating this new territory (where and when precisely this may be is anyone’s guess) with the ease as if we were really there, had been there all along AND would stay there forever. But we don’t. Usually. Even if we knew where “there” was. It is hard to say what this does mean, exactly, just being a novice to these contemplations, so I will continue. With luck, as I previously stated, we will figure out where we are going hopefully by the time we arrive.

I am reminded of Max’s statement yesterday, “I’m here. You’re here. Though I’m here and there, kind of everyplace at once, for now. You’ll understand in time.” (Ah, so maybe we ARE writing this together.) I wasn’t sure this was going to be a discourse in the existential, alas it may be. Anyway…

Here I now am, awake, I think. And my dream had me climbing ropes and sneaking in and out of a treacherous tower to discover the truth about family…someone else’s…except what I didn’t mention is one of my own family members was left behind (I’m not saying who…because 1. It’s not exactly relevant and 2. I’d rather keep that to myself, for now at least). Herein lies the rub. You see family, to me, implies every one of us…yes, as in we are ALL in this together. Sounds so hippy-dippy doesn’t it? Who cares? What really matters to me is… if one of us is in peril, we all are.

Yes, all that daring, intrigue, time travel and rope climbing brought me to help discover the truth about family, the one family of which we are all members (even Christians, Jews, Muslims, wiccans, Buddhists, Hindus, Zoroastrians, homosexuals, and especially all political parties). By the way how come in politics they are called parties, when clearly they don’t know how to have a good time?

So many of us are toiling in jobs where we feel we must climb ropes to enter and leave, risking all (body, mind and spirit) for “insurance” and “benefits” and what we think is “job security”. Actually, it is no better or worse to be working in the healthcare industry as to be working in a coal mine, even though it looks from the outside that the latter is more perilous. Think about it. The rates of infectious disease, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, alcohol and drug addiction, and more have as high or higher rates for people working in the medical profession (doctors are high on the list by the way) as for those in a coal mine. Wow. You mean I’d be better off working in a coal mine? No. Not exactly. But maybe, that is if we really even need coal…or the healthcare industry.

I believe we’ve gone about our world in a half-assed reactionary way, probably since the beginning, but at least since the beginning of the industrial revolution, where it continued, but amped up our fear-drive (thank you organized religion, politicians and robber barons) in order to control the masses…to make us all stop thinking or feeling anything but fear and do what we were/are told. The result of which has created a very warped tribal feud…”Us versus Them” mentality, creating a sort of communal and global self-hatred, thus removing us from our deep connection to ourselves and more importantly to our own personal divinity.

Oh shit, you’re thinking I’ve gone from time-traveling dreams to family drama, to healthcare and coal mines to religion, politics, evil corporations and now, we are all connected to GOD?!?! Well, yes I have, as a matter of fact. Heck, I talk to my departed beloved on the other side (of what?), what makes you think I’m going to stop at that?

Every time we separate ourselves from our own divinity, we do the same with each-other, and what goes with that is our love for our personal and collective health, happiness, wealth (you didn’t think I’d leave out money, did you?), safety (don’t forget to lock your doors at night, plus cars, businesses etc), and don’t forget the state of our environment. We’ve found every reason to kill anything that doesn’t seem necessary to fulfill our immediate needs…immediate gratification times a gazillion.

We are in the midst of watching ourselves decide:
1. Are we going to die from poisoning OUR life-sustaining bees and all insects or save them (and us) by outlawing dangerous and unnecessary herbicides and pesticides and immediately implement biodynamic and earth-friendly
2. Are we going to die from radiation leaking from Fukishima or immediately seek out and implement out of the box answers such as shutting down every single nuclear plant, instituting alternate biologically friendly forms of energy generation. We can find solutions to spent fuel by utilizing the services of such brilliant minds as John Todd of, or Roger Greene of
3.Are we going to drown from the melting of polar icecaps or discover ways to live with changing weather patterns and live without the things we have done to cause these changes?
And on most people’s minds today…
4. Will we survive the fallout (political or terrorist) due to bombing Syria in order to stop it from killing its own people (where is the logic there?, please enlighten me) or IMMEDIATELY, every single being here, there and all over our planet choose NOW to save OUR collective asses, souls and iPhones by changing our focus to love ourselves and one another.

When I was a little kid my grandmother would serve the destitute out the back door of her home, in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles, when my grandfather left to go to the synagogue. I’m not sure if Grandpa knew, but it didn’t matter since Grammie believed it was her responsibility to feed those who could not feed themselves. (She also created fabulous Barbie doll clothes for me, but that’s another post yet to happen!). Was she the Jewish Mother Teresa of the LA borscht belt? No, and I’m not exactly sure from where her strong desire to feed others came, nevertheless she instilled in me the strong sense of community involvement I have and my belief that we MUST heal ourselves individually and collectively if we are to not only survive but truly thrive in this life, on our planet, now.

Well, how did we do? We did the dream-time travel-socio-political-family-current events-spirituality- round-up. Have you chosen which course WE are on? Are there any questions? Either way, I’m going now, the Mediterranean calls me. I’m going for a swim in one of OUR oceans, have salad and a snooze. Don’t forget to recycle. Talk with you tomorrow. And by the way, Max says “hi!”