Days of my Life #14

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming to the page commemorating two weeks of my brain blather. I must confess, I did not begin this series of what is happening in the life of Yours Truly until I was several weeks into semi-isolation, was certain I could breathe and I had blown through my list of Netflix fantasy and sci-fi, and was well into questionable romance films on Amazon. Heaven only Knows how long I would’ve postponed writing were I into murder mysteries or war films, which on a whole, I am not…unless there are love scenes to where I can fast forward.

Call me a hopeless romantic, better yet a desperate escapist, I haven’t had sex since 2012 when my sweet love died of cancer. Oh no, should I have said that? Oh well, the cat is out of the bag and it’s too late to call it back. Besides I don’t have a cat. Sure, sure I could’ve pushed delete, but why? It’s not like I can troll around on silver singles or match dot not so calm, while we are in lockdown. What good would it do me anyway? Maybe a good nights sleep were I sated…

Safe sex means something quite different these days, doesn’t it? I thought perhaps virtual sex with a stranger.. but without zoom video working, unless we were wearing masks, and we could put Vaseline on the lenses to blur the details of each others features… sort of dreamlike, to obliterate the possibility of criticism and where we could have our own refreshments…taking breaks when required. Oh yes, I have unrealistic rules by which i might consider phone sex but in the crazy world of pandemonium (or was that pandemics) I am entitled to what I consider safe (albeit imposed) fantasy space.

Are you bored yet? No, I didn’t mean by my rant, I meant our collective lockup/lockdown/turn yourself round and round, dizzying effects of being confined to ones home. I have been reading the posts of some friends stating that they’ve hit a lull in engaging activities. Then others who’ve taken up digging for dirt on vaccine mogul/ Microsoft Gates or perils of 5g networks thus are busy riling up the already bored and frustrated masses who just wanna hang out with their buds at the brew pub down the street, but can’t “cause of this dang police state.”

Please don’t get me wrong…I beg you, cause I’m a bit suspicious but not of them, per se, but of the other shit that’s going down while we are watching the red spiked ball rolling indiscriminately down the highways and byways around our, it’s a small world…after all.

Did you know our public lands are getting sold off? That the USA is currently sending warships to Venezuela-spending money that could be going to support needy us citizens? That environmental regulations are getting shredded? That Trump and his cohorts are attempting to privatize the usps so it will be harder for you and me an some poor shmuck in keeokuk to vote? That the stimulus check you were expecting may be gobbled up by your bank to offset any fees you owe? Yep, and Immigrant children and families are still separated and at great peril, but republicans wanna save the unborn, or was that eliminate women’s right to control their bodies? All the while blowhards are bitching about having to stay home, China is experiencing a second wave of covid 19 plague because they opened up too soon? Put that in your proverbial pipe of whatever news you’re smokin’.

Frankly, as I’ve said before, I don’t know who to believe…with the exception that I know I don’t believe the orange non-leader as far as I could throw or roll him…perish the thought.

So what do we do? Hmmm good question. Certainly it means I’m gonna read as much as my eyeballs and brain can coordinate from a variety of sources so I can get as much of a handle on what may be happening. Then I’m gonna keep it to myself for long enough to make sure I’m not instigating something ridiculous like showing up with a kid to a protest March full of people who’ve been cohabiting with a bunch of people who spread their germ-filled remarks. Then ….

Tune in.

Wanted: Real Life Super Heroes – must be willing to work for kudos.

It’s late and I just returned home from seeing Avengers End Game. My head is spinning with my own inner mantra: too many heroes, too many heroes. If you haven’t yet seen this movie but are planning on doing so, STOP reading. I don’t wish to be a ‘spoiler sport”, but I’ve gotta get something off my chest besides this uncomfortable, no underwire bra I’ve got underneath jacket, blouse…

Over my many years I’ve been loving me some comic books with Iron Man, Captain’s Marvel & America, Hulk/Banner,Thor, Hawkeye, Black Panther, and on and on but sheesh, its hard to keep up when they’re all in one movie, and i understand this one is to tie it all up, but for the multitudes of heavens sake, cram fewer in and give us something deep in which we can sink our teeth.

Now, believe it or not, I well understand the financial aspects of making blockbusters such as star, token character cameo and director/cinematographer/producer salaries, abundance of sound and visual FX, product placement, subsequent residuals, plus the good ten minutes of crediting everyone including the folk who spread mustard in craft services, the poor folk who man the honey wagons not withstanding.

All this movie did was make me fantasize about the ramifications if indeed there were super folk who might lend us a much needed helping hand.

Just Imagine: The right wing villains we have floating about wreaking havoc in our real world would actually get defeated by real life heroes and little puny hackers of any nationality (you do know about whom I speak) would have their signals blocked magically and permanently by Nebula and Doc Strange. Come to think of it, for that purpose we might need an entire cast of heroes similar to those in End Game. That would be good use of all those people (even with their salaries) with super powers, yes?

Picture This

-Thor swingin his hammer and knocking the blocks off quite a few Republican senators who are trying to take over our Asgard. Transporting them to a planet where they have to grovel for sustenance. (Okay that’s mean, but its my fantasy).

-Capn America could perhaps drop into the Oval Office, put the orange one straight into an Orange jumpsuit, feed him overripe mangoes,(diarrhea enhancing) then catapult him into solitary cell in Guantanamo, leaving 45 to finally have to deal with his own shit without a golden commode.)

-A visit from Wonder Woman (yes DC and Marvel are partnering on this one) with her golden lasso might get ole Bill Barr to tell the Fucking Truth, summarily she’d then fly him in her crystal ship to an island off the coast of Somalia inhabited by pirates or if not that then plop him into a cell at Rikers.

-Ole Uncle Ben Carson gets a bite from Black Widow who outfits the former, (who actually trusted this nimrod into working on their brain anyway?) neurosurgeon, in second hand sweats, then deposits him in rat infested tenement housing, requiring him to reside there for a minimum of 10 years – to provide an extended understanding of the ramifications of his HUD misdeeds.

-Captain Marvel places a school uniformed Betsy DeVos in a new job as janitor in an underfunded inner city high school, with her prior yearly income given to needy families. She then zooms in to grab Kirsten Nielsen former Czarina of Homeland Security and places her in a small cage with only an emergency blanket and a box of 10 year old granola bars.

-SpiderMan, Antman and the Wasp tackle EPA’s both former and current Secretaries, Pruitt and Wheeler in a game of “We’re gonna bug you to bits” in which the two deniers of the importance of maintaining the health of our planet for our own damn good, are dropped onto a field which has just been overrun by beetles and locusts whose immunity to Monsantos sprays has made them somehow modified to only desire Republican flesh. Ouch, even that fantasy gives me the willies.

-The Hulk and Hawkeye, would be in charge of the rounding up the Secretaries of FDA, and Homeland Security – Between Banner’s mild manner and his Hulk’s contrasting large angry green, Hawkeye’s overactive desire for revenge…I’ll just leave that up to your vivid imaginations as to how that might play out.

Any of your favorites I’ve left out? The other infidels would have corresponding heroes to whisk them into appropriate no frills prisons. With those scoundrels in prison perhaps the department of corrections might well be able to free the many people wrongly accused, thus saving our country trillions while at the same time

locking up the pile of deserving miscreants.

Oh yes, the Supreme Court would be populated by compassionate members of the Avengers and X-men tribes, with zero tolerance for racism, sexism, elitism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, greed, pedophilia etc. Still, the head of the court would be Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

For all this we as a world would give many thanks and possibly bake cookies for those who have come to our aid.

Okay, that’s it. I’m done and now I’m going to bed. I wonder how my dreams will play out tonight. Probably far more mundane than the above.


Day 11- Reflections on travel, health, eventful days..

I woke this morning from another toss and turn night – like on a small boat in a big-swelled sea, feeling achy and a tad anxious, though anxiety-wise, not about today’s upcoming travels as is often the case. It is now apparent that my two days of Theraphi administered by the kind and able Marcio Amaral of Stress Management London may have provided me with a healing crisis of epic proportions. Even so, my head is clearer than it has been in months, as is my eyesight. My blood pressure has lowered sufficiently as well. Of course, just to maintain a sense of guarded enthusiasm, time will provide me with the answers as to the longevity of treatment results.

Yesterday the weather was beautiful here in Jolly Ole London (where did that saying come from- better google it) giving me a day without jacket, scarf or gloves. Was the universe (yes I’m still listening) preparing me for the heat in Austin awaiting layered-wardrobe-me?

And spring has definitely sprung in the trees all abloom in the nearby Dorset Square Garden, just across the street and accessible only to those with a key, either hotel guests or trustees of the land. Lucky me, I had grabbed some tasteless takeaway from a quasi-sushi place on the way back from treatment, thinking I might enjoy the repast amongst the trees, well-manicured grasses and shrubs. I put the key in the lock and voila! It worked! The gate was extremely heavy- thankfully I am neither feeble nor easily deterred – I entered with a might push, my eyes observing the vast, upper class greenery. While I enjoyed the verdant view, the bland stuff I ate- even the wasabi had no taste – yuck – it made the stop in nature less than perfect. That and the fact that just on the next corner was a homeless gent, beginning his evening encampment in a nearby shop doorway. I went out later to the nearby Pret and bought a giant sandwich for the guy. I hope he enjoyed his meal better than I- small compensation for living rough in the streets of London.

I ask you, how can I really ever complain about my life? I have been so fortunate and am very grateful to spend the time, have the wherewithal to travel, to move freely, to stay in comfy places, (even without hot showers in two hotels, but who’s counting?) to meet with friends, the luxury to choose where and what to eat, to experience other cultures and languages, to listen to the opinions of others and share mine without experiencing derision/name-calling etc. I know I experience white privilege every day – that with that understanding comes a responsibility to listen and respect and even fight for the rights of all. I can thank my attitude in part by the upbringing (though sometimes flawed) I received from my parents. I really don’t abide by the willful abuse some people perpetrate against those they judge unworthy.

More thoughts of the last couple days:
-A friend reported she had been frightened on the London streets by the activities of Global Climate change protestors. We live in a time of fear and mistrust, a period in my life I never imagined would transpire. It is funny (not ha ha) people are blindly upset about the temporary interruption of “business” or “traffic” due to protests. After all, we will all be greatly, horribly and probably permanently interrupted, if we don’t seriously take charge and immediately stop our mass abuse?consumption of resources. Of course some people are fucking dumb or to fucking greedy to comprehend this will have a direct impact on them and those they hold dear, not just those they deem lesser and/or undeserving. I don’t wish bad stuff to happen to anyone though I do hope for those who have denied or fought against the betterment of life animal-vegetable/earth to possibly be the first to suffer the results of their abuse. Instead of sending a virgin into the volcano to appease the gods, maybe we could send the careless reprobates to the frontlines of environmental destruction…the Thwaites Glacier perhaps?

Yesterday whilst on the table having my treatment, I saw images – a disembodied being or two, then more importantly those of scenes I wish to replicate in my art; my mind was so relaxed then it became actively enthusiastic about returning home to get to work again. I remember being in my early twenties, floating on a fishing boat in the Pacific wondering the hell was i doing in my life? These years since have most certainly not been wasted – even though it has taken time to get to the point where now I no longer wonder. I am of the strong belief we are the sum total of ALL our experiences. These have made me full of ideas and images and understanding and have left me So filled with a greater sense of purpose. I am committing myself to not waste my time floating but instead to dive further into this my “Creativity Sea”.

Stay tuned for more to come.

Mother – Nature, knows best.

I’m in recovery from last night’s and this past morning’s wedding celebrations…you may have read a bit about this in my previous missive. I actually drank a half a glass of Ouzo…to help me sleep which worked to make me crave licorice sticks but did nothing to make me snooze. For those of you who know me well, well I don’t, as a rule, drink anything other than tea, chocolate, water or smoothies. Hell, I was determined to sleep. What can I say? Like most times when I try to disturb the natural order of my body’s desire to sleep, the ouzo, did nada.

20130827-051916.jpgMy roomie, Meike and I dragged ourselves out of our respective beds, gulped tea (she) and cocoa (me) and headed via taxi to Molyvos or, as it is also know as Mithymna …where the head of Orpheus is said to have been washed ashore after his dismemberment of the Thracian women. Another mythical citizen of Mithymna was the lyric poet and musician Arion – Word has it he was saved (from what?) by the music-loving dolphin….gotta see one. Anyway, we climbed into Dymitri’s taxi and wound our way over the mountains, past countless olive trees (the island’s known for it) and quite a few empty homes for sale from Kalloni to Molyvos.

Yes, Greece has had a tough time steadying their legs from the seasick economy – where are the dolphins when we need them? I am amazed at the resilience of these wonderful people…it does my heart good to witness their smiles, to be given such authentic hugs, even when I understand they have been through very rough economic seas… And I do hope the tide has changed for the better, since the Greeks are one helluva inspiration for anyone who has experienced the phone call from a collection agency … like swimming with hungry sharks. I’m rich with metaphor today, having been a bit dinghy from the previous nights. O’henry where art thou?

Financial economy aside, In the warmth of my new friends here, the riches abound. Their spirits, as mine sing with the healing sounds of birds and cicadas, morning and night. This morning I looked up into the eaves outside our room to watch tiny birds dive bombing wasps and larvae out of the nests housed above me …And to think I thought of asking the hotel staff to destroy these same nests…the balance of nature is delicate…Why do humans (myself included) want to fuck it up?

And here, again, I am reminded of our messing with the all-encompassing natural order of things. The birth, life and decay of all things living both fascinate and terrify us. Our reactions to the cycle of life range from the sublime – our “oohs and aahs” when a baby is born – to the ridiculous – “Hand me the hair-dye” freak out at aging. Its silly aint it? How we inject drugs to slow down our disease and decay, later to embalm our dead bodies, burying ourselves in airtight coffins, rather than let nature take its course. You may disagree about the drugs. Whatever.

So much of the bizarre occurs within the cycle of life, with we “civilized” humans attempting to continue to control the outcome. Our usual MO is to point the finger when we have messed up, rather than take responsibility and rectify the situation. Here I am sorely reminded of the harm of genetic modification, pesticides, herbicides, predatory lending and even prescription drugs…yes, you read that right, all drugs mess with nature. Food IS our best medicine and yet spray it with shit/chemicals that kills us? That’s messed up.

The distortion of our need to control our personal and collective destiny is far beyond my own hippie, eco-warrior cause of the day; it extends to the great fears that motivate us to listen to and believe our corporate and political dictators blasting contradictory directives over our newly purchased Androids and iPads. These fears can compel us to overdraw our bank accounts, purchasing crap we then must buy storage space to put it in, placing us further in debt, only to sell on Ebay for far less than it was worth when we originally vowed to use it regularly, or worse we can purchase homes we know deep down are completely unaffordable. We, in our attempt to stave our fears by consuming, may be decaying from our own modern day consumption and this ain’t a pretty possibility.

However, Conscious Language master, Bob Stevens says, “our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength.” Perhaps our desire for fulfillment can now be recognized as a means to discover what will truly nourish us. Maybe we have had to lose our “debt filled houses” to discover the importance of building sustainable loving homes. To lose our “dead-end, low pay jobs” to discover our true livelihood. To lose our health insurance, and become well beings.

In the process of all this morass of fear, it is “easy” to point fingers at everyone else- the media, doctors, corporations, politicians…but is that truly helpful? Heck, it ain’t even productive. And waiting for dolphins (or anyone else) to rescue us may take longer than we may hope.

The state of the Greek people and economy is a wonderful time for us to look carefully, taking steady and deep breaths, into our own lives and habits. We are all (smiling and unsmiling Greeks included) being given a sort of golden opportunity to look inward at what truly motivates us, to embrace change and chart our own course. As my sweet Max Middleton said and hopefully with his permission, I shall paraphrase, “Change is inevitable. Embrace it as a sacred and natural act.” One has only to look at the tiny birds with the wasp nest in the eaves above to see, nature does indeed know best.