Days of my Life #26

Silence is golden. Grandson is with dad. Home, even with an adorable boisterous young puppy, is quiet. I am enjoying this pause in the bustle of life. The busyness of doing is so addictive. It is no wonder people needed vacations from school and work.

We need…Time to rest. To think. To look around. To feel whatever it is we are feeling. To, yes, unplug ourselves from that giant machine that compels us to work, to buy, to owe, to move, to hate or love our lives, to drink, until we die, often alone, and in debt. Too much doing is, after all, do do.

This is probably the reason we have been so befuddled by our locked in circumstance. What can we do? Parents, ill-prepared, all at once have become teachers. Most are deeply concerned about paying rent/mortgage, and all the other expenses we regularly incur. Many of the extra debts are due…to a devious disease more conniving than Covid19, the Buy-Buy addiction.

Is it because I’m an old fart? I’m seventy and occasionally fart, loudly. I also remember (I’m still mostly compos mentis) when life did not consist of buying shit all the time, whenever we “wanted”. Of course there was always the temptation of a new this or that, but people saved, budgeted, and appreciated greatly when a purchase was made. Quality was valued…there was little disposable “fashion”, and stuff got repaired when it broke (because someone had the parts and knew how to fix the damn thing!)

My parents were also children of that old Depression of the 1920/30’s, you know, the one where many lost everything due to the crash of the stock market and the run on banks and Where the only people who didn’t jump out of windows were the ones who were mega rich with heavily diversified portfolios or so poor they couldn’t even get to the second floor. My folks instilled in me the need to save, buy with care and not get hoodwinked. Most of the time this has worked.

Now I have a feeling you’re going to say, “but things are better with the internet and cell phones and door to door delivery.” In part I enthusiastically agree, since I utilize all and more of modern conveniences. And still, we are pretty fucked up. The web has been the purveyor of both fact and fiction, deals and cons, peace/love/understanding and racism, hatred, intolerance, plus pictures of cute little animals along with horrific deviance. All of this at our fingertips with no means to healthfully teach people how to use it…how can we do this, carefully and honorably?

We send texts to people without ever hearing each other’s voice. In person or audibly our inflection and pronunciation say so much about who we are, a text means this gets lost even with the insertion of a cute emoji. We have been social distancing without even realizing! This makes me sad. I prefer seeing someone’s face as we speak with one another or at the very least hearing their voice. Obviously the printed word can be a form of “proof” of a conversation, but with spell correct and voice recognition being what it is currently, words can be misconstrued without a careful edit before sending.

It’s great to order a pizza or groceries and have them brought to our door. Not everyone can afford or has internet to get deliveries during this pandemic. What about them? I may have mentioned previously that my maternal grandmother fed people in need daily at her back door, even after the depression. She wasn’t rich but she felt she must share. Being isolated has required many of us to interact, masked and at six feet, for the first time with neighbors living next door. Some good things come when we are in the worst situations. Perhaps these will carry over once quarantine has been fully lifted and we are back to “normal”, whatever that means.

I began writing this yesterday but couldn’t finish it because I spent time in mostly quiet contemplation. It was a good day. Who knows what today will bring. I have the time to find out.

Tune in.

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