Today I felt like a slug, but, because I was unsure as to exactly what type of slug I was, I decided to do a google search to determine if any of the usual slug descriptions fit the way I was feeling. I also wondered if slugs got distracted by anything in particular, since I had been extremely preoccupied by the eight week old puppy that happened to be gnawing on my toes, clothes, the rugs, chairs, and everything else within the reach of his tiny sharp jaws and claws.
My search got me both curious and still more confused. Did you know?… that a slug can not only be a tough skinned terrestrial mollusk (I had pictured myself as a giant sea slug), but also a round piece of metal (like the ones my childhood friends and I would use in pay phones when we didn’t have nickels), a slow, lazy person, i.e. a sluggard (as I was probably feeling), an alcoholic drink (hic), a lead bullet (ouch), a line type in printing (pre-digital) and something or other to do with websites (scratch head here).
I am constantly fascinated by the way my brain works, hence my use of a search engine but before that I employed encyclopedias, dictionaries and libraries. I probably could’ve gone to med school (if I’d been interested & if only I’d been been able to sit still and not yawn, repeatedly, whenever I was in class). Most of my teachers, and undoubtedly my parents, thought me rude, but my cerebrum worked differently and faster than those of my classmates…I got bored quite easily. Sometimes I wished I had been born after educators and scientists figured out about kids like me required specific tools for learning, nevertheless I figured many things out on my own, which took quite awhile and a bit of therapy.
Back to Slugsville. Have you too been feeling sluggish and out of sorts lately? Well apparently we are not alone. Those roller coaster ups, downs and sideways “what the fuck is going on” feelings are normal for our strained, habitual brains, at least for many of us.
I’d like to think up a clever SNL skit to go along with the way I’ve been responding to the Quarantine. At least that “might could”(Texan idiomatic language for maybe) help ease (mine at least) the unease and give me a small sense of satisfaction that I’d had some small part in brightening someone’s day. Sorry folks, don’t think that’s happening today, I’m not able.
My sluggishness spilled over into this mornings activist group and after puppy climbed into my lap I was nearly a goner. We drew pictures and words on signs stating “tests for Texans” then the leader snapped a pix and it went on social media. At that point I could’ve used some toothpicks to keep my eyelids open even though the subjects were important. Ever thankful that the petit chien woke up and had to go outside to pee, I summarily left the group to then take a snooze in a lawn chair. I hope my friends weren’t too affected by my behavior, but if they were at least I wasn’t going up to them and sneezing. Thank heavens for zoom meetings and screw our dumbass governor Abbot for wanting to open up our state.
I’m amazed I’ve been able to report anything today. Sorry if I’ve made you yawn. I’m going to bed early.
Tune in.
Janet Bernson 