My dreams are having a hard time differentiating reality and fantasy. Yes, I know, having studied sleepy time dreams of ride the rainbow elephants across possible planes of existence, their meaning, REM sleep patterns, out of body experiences, etc., I am aware we often are using our dreams to work though the challenges of unreal reality life. Unless we do exist in different dimensions, which in my warped mind does really happen and then I’ve been having a very interesting set of lives one or many of which I might prefer if given the choice.
Lately I have noticed that the possibility using sleep to escape from our strange and not so wonderful political landscape, at least for me, just does not cut it. The daily, though fortunately not constant, trauma induced thoughts of nazis, the blatant stripping of women’s rights, the demise of the US constitution, chemical/psychological/ballistic warfare, Iran, Yemen, Venezuela, black lives not mattering, not to mention global species annihilation, election hacking, plastic ocean gyres, fracking, the demise of our natural habitats (see species destruction), the total outrageously priced and ridiculous inadequacy of the US “health care system”…I could go on, but it IS more than troublesome, is enough to make nearly anyone pop a few Valium with an aged bourbon chaser, the intent or hope might be to sleep it off, waking totally refreshed in the morning.
Alas, that is not I. No, no no, I prefer to have my societal malaise straight up, take it like a Wo-man, strong capable and along the river I wanna be standing and by the way my name, from time to time, is Cleopatra.
I woke just before midnight, having realized I had not written a thing yesterday. For shame. For shame. Yes, ladies and gents, Jewish guilt does occasionally raise its imaginary sheitel-covered head even after therapy, study of various religions, conscious language and regular self reflection. I had made a promise to lil-ole-me to write daily. No, nothing as restrictively habitual as “morning pages”, because frankly with two loud dogs demanding food in the wee hours of the morning I rarely have the time or accessible brain power to begin to write-that is unless I wake at 4am stealthily, reach for iPad and quietly type. Currently my girl dog is busily running and talking in her sleep at the foot of my bed. It is past midnight and unless there is the rustling of food wrappers in the kitchen, she is dead to this world, alive in dreamland and I am free to pursue my exploitation of word on virtual paper.
Now. This tonight, or rather morning, may prove to be more than my interrupted sleep can take. For my mind is racing with a force so strong and I am trying to get my fingers to catch up before the thoughts become something else entirely. Such is my life. And I do not chose to tell my active brain to shut up and go to sleep for that would be disastrous and more than frustrating in the morning when I finally woke up to discover I had blown my verbal wad on something as mundane as fatigue.
Okay, dreams. Actually I don’t think I’m talking here about dreams, but instead my conversation with my new friend, Carla, yesterday may have planted the seeds of this night’s banter on the societal in-fluenza we are all experiencing. Together we discussed how for us we are well aware how deeply traumatized our population is but more importantly how different groups of people are processing this awful malaise. Specifically we contemplated aloud about young parents handling the situation with their children and what they are doing to not only emotionally cope but if they are at all empowered to advocate, march, complain, write, call, vote, run for office…etc.
It is more than a little disheartening that our elections are at great risk of being fucked up by evil minded, heartless, SOB’S who for some UNGODLY reason/s, though probably are full of greed, elitism, racism, fear, hatred, homophobia, anti-semitism…) believe they must win their agenda at all costs. So. Getting out the vote might even be moot, which is not at all an uplifting idea compelling us to stand in line for hours, now is it? Which is, I think, the point of all the gerrymandering, Faux news propaganda to blast us with a shitload of problems thus giving us a case of “I don’t know what to fucking do!”, apathetic inducing bullshit.
I’m part of a regular group that meets weekly having written well over 30,000 postcards to politicians, corporations and individuals since the orange monster took office. We are a combination activist/emotional support group. The fact that we are not now a bunch of raging alcoholics is a huge ducking testimony to our tenacity. And though tempting, apathy does not motivate us. Our group song should be “We Shall Not Be Lulled (or moved….you pick.) These wonderful inspired and inspiring human beings make me proud to have a properly (mostly) functioning brain and verbal skills to communicate with others who can also do this similarly. The only agenda we seem to have is to empower others to do the right thing – love, honor, respect, charity, help the powerless, protect our earth…If I didn’t know better I’d think we were all really truly, honest to goodness, (not the fake ones) Christians.
For me (and probably those with whom I meet weekly) there is no escape from choosing to change the current reality in which we are living. My children and grandchildren and the planet upon which we live is at stake. My imperative is to help make things/life better.
Otherwise what is the point, really?
Now. I’m going to sleep.
Janet Bernson 