I woke this morning from another toss and turn night – like on a small boat in a big-swelled sea, feeling achy and a tad anxious, though anxiety-wise, not about today’s upcoming travels as is often the case. It is now apparent that my two days of Theraphi administered by the kind and able Marcio Amaral of Stress Management London may have provided me with a healing crisis of epic proportions. Even so, my head is clearer than it has been in months, as is my eyesight. My blood pressure has lowered sufficiently as well. Of course, just to maintain a sense of guarded enthusiasm, time will provide me with the answers as to the longevity of treatment results.
Yesterday the weather was beautiful here in Jolly Ole London (where did that saying come from- better google it) giving me a day without jacket, scarf or gloves. Was the universe (yes I’m still listening) preparing me for the heat in Austin awaiting layered-wardrobe-me?
And spring has definitely sprung in the trees all abloom in the nearby Dorset Square Garden, just across the street and accessible only to those with a key, either hotel guests or trustees of the land. Lucky me, I had grabbed some tasteless takeaway from a quasi-sushi place on the way back from treatment, thinking I might enjoy the repast amongst the trees, well-manicured grasses and shrubs. I put the key in the lock and voila! It worked! The gate was extremely heavy- thankfully I am neither feeble nor easily deterred – I entered with a might push, my eyes observing the vast, upper class greenery. While I enjoyed the verdant view, the bland stuff I ate- even the wasabi had no taste – yuck – it made the stop in nature less than perfect. That and the fact that just on the next corner was a homeless gent, beginning his evening encampment in a nearby shop doorway. I went out later to the nearby Pret and bought a giant sandwich for the guy. I hope he enjoyed his meal better than I- small compensation for living rough in the streets of London.
I ask you, how can I really ever complain about my life? I have been so fortunate and am very grateful to spend the time, have the wherewithal to travel, to move freely, to stay in comfy places, (even without hot showers in two hotels, but who’s counting?) to meet with friends, the luxury to choose where and what to eat, to experience other cultures and languages, to listen to the opinions of others and share mine without experiencing derision/name-calling etc. I know I experience white privilege every day – that with that understanding comes a responsibility to listen and respect and even fight for the rights of all. I can thank my attitude in part by the upbringing (though sometimes flawed) I received from my parents. I really don’t abide by the willful abuse some people perpetrate against those they judge unworthy.
More thoughts of the last couple days:
-A friend reported she had been frightened on the London streets by the activities of Global Climate change protestors. We live in a time of fear and mistrust, a period in my life I never imagined would transpire. It is funny (not ha ha) people are blindly upset about the temporary interruption of “business” or “traffic” due to protests. After all, we will all be greatly, horribly and probably permanently interrupted, if we don’t seriously take charge and immediately stop our mass abuse?consumption of resources. Of course some people are fucking dumb or to fucking greedy to comprehend this will have a direct impact on them and those they hold dear, not just those they deem lesser and/or undeserving. I don’t wish bad stuff to happen to anyone though I do hope for those who have denied or fought against the betterment of life animal-vegetable/earth to possibly be the first to suffer the results of their abuse. Instead of sending a virgin into the volcano to appease the gods, maybe we could send the careless reprobates to the frontlines of environmental destruction…the Thwaites Glacier perhaps?Yesterday whilst on the table having my treatment, I saw images – a disembodied being or two, then more importantly those of scenes I wish to replicate in my art; my mind was so relaxed then it became actively enthusiastic about returning home to get to work again. I remember being in my early twenties, floating on a fishing boat in the Pacific wondering the hell was i doing in my life? These years since have most certainly not been wasted – even though it has taken time to get to the point where now I no longer wonder. I am of the strong belief we are the sum total of ALL our experiences. These have made me full of ideas and images and understanding and have left me So filled with a greater sense of purpose. I am committing myself to not waste my time floating but instead to dive further into this my “Creativity Sea”.
Stay tuned for more to come.
Janet Bernson 