Hello web of readers, your correspondent Janet, here, to give you play by questionable play of my journey to enlightenment, or texas, whichever comes first…then again I might just contemplate the banal. We shall see.
I’m lounging here in the JAL/oneworld/American airlines “home away from flying capsule”. I’ve got some hours to burn before I board. Fortunately the chairs are cushy, the food and drink, though not organic by any sense of the word, plentiful, free and varied. Did I mention the toilets? OMG! I took a picture. I hope it comes out. No, not that way, silly. Oops no, I just checked ’em, guess I better go shoot it all before I leave, just so you can see, rather than take my word for it. Anyway, here goes.
The first thing one does after getting the “go ahead” beyond the sealed doors of the sacred lounge of the weary biz and First class traveler, is deposit hand luggage and gummy bears (for my daughter Julia who has just born my first grandchild – whatever she wants) into lockers, which i did. The next to appear are the toilets and showers.
Every traveler needs a good potty, this one goes beyond that, way, way way, beyond, I might add. And so into the w.c. I ventured, walked into the stall, the door shut behind me. All of a sudden as if I had waved my wand (I have one, you know) and quite magically, the toilet lid opened, blue lights flashing inside. This toilet is no KMart special, ladies and gents. I waited for a moment to see if anyone was looking. Really, I thought only briefly before pulling my pants down, sitting, then discovering, my cold tush instantly warm. A heated toilet seat! “Wowsers,” I proclaimed, “I’m on the hot seat, and I feel great!” From there, the sky was the limit, as soon I regarded to my right, a series of buttons with instructions in several languages on just what this Toto Toilet could do. Wash front, back, blow front, back, spray scent (ewe, I don’t think so), massage the glutes and elsewhere…is this root chakra heaven for the jet lagged or what?!?! I pushed buttons like a kid with a new toy…if you know me, this ain’t a stretch…and I did this for awhile. I confess to a few audible oohs and aahs, but I think I was alone in the room and wondered, if only briefly, if someone from the lounge was going to come in to tell me to stop, though honestly, I WAS using my inside voice, thus my fears were short lived. Finally, I knew it was time to go, to seek out the treasures which lead beyond the bathroom door. I pulled up my pants after the magic toilet washed and blew, (and more but I’m not admitting to anything further) my soon to be tired (my trip has only just begun today), ass dry, and proceeded to the area where i discovered dozens of travelers lounging (what else does one do in a lounge, anyway?). I admit to thinking, only briefly, if they too had discovered the treasure behind the bathroom door? No one looked at me askance as I departed, so I believe it’s fair to say, no one knows what happened behind those doors. Luckily, I can’t hear anything from out here – all of us have our little secrets.
Excuse me I’ll be right back, gotta go take some pix for you, but I think I’ll place them further up; this sentence is probably unnecessary but what the hell. What did ya think? Snazzy, eh?
Okay, gotta go through security. See y’all on the other side (of the pond, I hope). Oh, one more thing, about the lounge lizard moniker? It just sounded good to me….my ass IS comfortably warm (and clean. TMI)