Today I continue on my Good Grief Journey. Thanks to my buying everything, including toilet paper, on my AA Mastercard, I am sitting in the Admirals Club waiting for my flight to Dallas where I will then catch a business class flight to Frankfurt. Waiting in a cushy armchair next to a bunch of businessmen throwing back Bloody Mary’s is not exactly my idea of a first class experience, but I’ve got my ipad, green juice and organic snacks to tide me over, and after all, I am flying business.
My past year has been a real trip, especially with the passing of my divinely wonderful partner into the Great Beyond, i have been given the chance to explore both my outer and inner world. Actually I count myself blessed and very thankful…for so many things. My year of grief is not exactly over …the year, maybe, and still the tear-filled hits keep coming, though not as frequently, nor as strong.
I am thankful for the time I’ve had to process and embrace this immense change in my life. Too, I have had a revelation “I don’t miss Max anymore, because he is with me everyday, just not exactly in the flesh.” Therein lies the rub…his physical presence. You see he has visited me in a sort of “in-between world” where we have touched and even kissed. Weird, eh? Only having this sort of experience is kind of like dating a guy who is most of the time away on business, or worse leading a double life. The pluses include: I am always surprised when we meet, my experiences are very intense, though brief, I know I’m not dreaming, I’m becoming more in touch with my intuitive abilities… And our travel expenses are minimal since I’m the only one requiring an airline ticket, clothing, meals, etc.
Oops gotta pack up my stuff and get to the gate…Dallas here I come.
It’s hours later, midnight in Austin, yet where I sit – 35,000 feet in the sky, it is 6am and the next day. We land in an hour. Yawn. I’ve noshed, snoozed, visited the lav several times and watched a couple movies, and now it’s breakfast of fruit, a gluten free cookie and tea. My seat mate is the daughter of one of the flight attendants so I’ve had excellent service…since her mom has been attentive to a fault. Awe moms. Guess I’ve had the opportunity to see the mirror – I can be that way with my kids…and definitely with grandbaby Levi. Oy vey. And now we have landed in Frankfurt.
It’s now 4:30pm. I checked into the Steigenberger hotel near the airport and dreamily made my way to the restaurant for breakfast consisting of lox, sourdough pretzel bread (yes I have a temporary moratorium in gluten free to see if the bread here is tolerable to my system- or at least that’s my excuse), boiled egg, tea and jam. This is the most expensive breakfast I have ever consumed, 20+euros! Sheesh! Good though. Check in wasn’t for another hour so my eating dream got me through til I could get to my room.
Once in my room I immediately removed my shoes, futzed around with my luggage, got online, checked email, inspected the minibar – $6 for a mineral water the size of a baby bottle- can you believe it?!, turned on the tv, pretended to read a magazine, made a call, sent two texts and put my head on the pillow, and did the number one unadvised jet-lag no-no, promptly fell asleep for 4 hours. Did Max and I meet in my sleep? No we were too tired. Perhaps tonite, after dinner and my massage. Gotta get up early for my flight in the morning to Greece … Economy class.