I hope you’re not disappointed

The title of today’s missive are the words stuck in my head as I wake far too early for any normal person on a Monday morning. Who is speaking? Me? Am I channeling Max Middleton or some other departed loved one? I suppose I ought to shut up and listen, and yet the thought forms running through my head are going faster than the cries of baby Levi, which are occurring as I write. And no, I am not neglecting the wee lad; his mother, Julia, my daughter, has him to her breast.

Does this 4-week-old baby know what he wants? No, he knows only nipple or no nipple. Ah were life that simple for us all … Would we be sated so easily and quickly?

Alas, I believe we become much more picky than babies and thus can become easily disappointed when we expect someone else to fulfill our needs. Then too we might disappoint ourselves when we make goals we know deep down are not our highest choice.

Somehow I believe we mix up the expectations of other people, be they those of friends, teachers or loved ones, thinking those are our choices, when indeed they come from someone else. And then we may feel dissatisfied, unworthy and cry “Woe is me!” Just like babies cry when there is no nipple. I did that, in the past.

So here I am, in Austin, in air conditioned comfort, making further preparations for my weeks of travel. I pet my grand-dogs, change diapers, burp the baby, do laundry and cook…all the glorious duties of grandparent. And write. Yes, I finally, after years of procrastination and other things “more important”, am writing.

And no, to whoever that voice in my head happens to be, I am not disappointed, in fact I am feeling sated. I am enjoying my life, for which I am very thankful.

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